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LAST UPDATED: Nov 6th 09:02 PM

Shirt things First:

Your here for the story about how we became the official “thrift” store

for canucks t-shirts. Speaking of which, we’re going to use your ideas & use them again and again

and again and again and fuck it, let’s use them again and again and then sell them again and again and again & again.

Reason being:

We are all Canucks.

AKA#2:

U have some cool ideazzz.

Anywayzzz, look through the rest of the issue, browse away, get lost, and get to the end of the read for all the secret details about this arrangment and how you can become a creative director lol.

tap here or on a shirt below

Canucks Fan

OF the WeED

A commenter recently said that I’ve been smoking glue…

But I haven’t been smoking anything lately…

That’s cause it’s November which means the year is coming to an end which also means…It’s time for me to be at least one month sober.

So here I am, not high, but going crazy with all these Canucks rumors I keep making up…

Will the Canucks trade for Josi? If the Predators..you know..don’t listen to father Trotz?

If Boeser doesn’t sign an extention soon…does that mean managment makes up a trade scenerio where Brock has to look for property in Buffalo next to a pile of snow and Josh Allen?

IS Hoglander,who is on a steal of a deal going to ever become a DAWG in the yes of Tocchet instead of just a dog?

Are the Canucks regretting not sending Petey to Carolina for 2025 NHL FIRST TEAM ALL STAR MARTIN NECAS of the HURRICANES? Seriously, this dude has 17 points in his last 7 games. Which is even more crazier considering rumblings where he was wanted by Canucks brass where both connected to EP40 as an acquisition cost and a potential linemate…

I’m just saying all this

Wait, do you see the Canucks actually trading Brock for assets?

That later somehow turn into JOSI?

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING.

I’m of the weed.

And in need of calming the fuck down.

But how could I knowing that a video game trade is literally around the corner.

Sources I mean intuition is telling me that Allvin and Rutherford are about to strike a deal that nobody saw coming which is going to leave us both hurt and oh so curious. It’s like im seeing things for what they are and not for what they have become due to a puff and a puff and another puff.

Things are adding up and not complete.

Somethings gotta give.

I read a chapter on Rutherford remember?

THE SUTER THING

Do we live in a world…

In 2025…

Where Canucks find another Suitor for..

THINK ABOUT IT.

Let’s say the Canucks, who you know will be calling up Raty very soon, get a strong performance from the 23 year old in his second stint this season with Vancouver.

Let’s also say, again, the Canucks continue to suck ass on defence *collectively. I mean shit… Outside of icetime consumed by Hughes and Hronek…the D has performed like my D… & just like my D…if it doesn’t get enhanced…it ain’t getting better.

In other words, it’s either Brannstrom becoming Forsling 2.0 or the Canucks trading assets, unrestricted ones at best and not Hoglander, for pieces that could be used in a bigger trade.

And this is where we talk about somebody suited for a trade for an antitode like that…

Pius Suter.

I think there’s a 4 percent chance, where a really good hockey player, is removed from our roster in order to fix a need.

I also think there’s a 50 percent chance Suter’s stats get padded with Garland and…

Pettersson.

Those three are all very smart, serebral, and defencevly sound. I also see Suter, having a similar “POP” to what he had when paired up with Boeser and Miller in round one against Nashville. If you look back at the film, the dude who scored the only series clinching goal in Canucks recent history, could of easily been the next Fernando Pisani.

Chance after chance after chance after chance happened to find a home on his stick. That’s a perdicament for a player like Suter when playing with talent and talent only around him.

This time around though…he has UFA energy in his back pocket and has the ability to really cash in which may help us do two things:

1) Enhance the teams performance by raising the teams ceiling.

2) Enhance the teams performance by raising the teams ceiling.

If you look closely, both these options are different.

Anywho, do I want it to happen? Not really, cause I casually smoke the Suter pack daily. He’s just a player you want on a winning team.

And in saying just that about him, all of the above sort of makes sense.

I’m just saying all this

Written on: Nov 4th 04:32 PM

BULLY BHAWAN

Growing up…

…In Surrey…

………As a Findu…

….all while watching South Park unsupervised from

the age of 8, turned me into the man I am today.

But before I was that man…two or three things

went wrong as a child:

1) I was part of a fake gang that egged

houses using whatever style of eggs we could

find.

Boiled or not, you house was getting fucken scrambled by

this asshole and those assholes over there.(allegedly)

It was like we were bored idiots…

I mean born idiots…

2) This group of pals also yenno…

Played pranks…

I mean…invited people out, sign an NDA and get water ballooned (ALLEGEDLY). The NDA part is not real but…

It might as well should be considering…we never got caught.

NEVER HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

Back in that day, no cameras were stapled to hands of the boys and girls like they are today. Also, nobody really snitched from Surrey BC…

It was a little different back in 2002/2003/2004.

And now I’m about to get chokeslammed.

3) I watched a lot of Sportscentre.

Due to all of the above, I sit here today…reminicing..about both the past from way back then and the time that took place 9 hours ago…

When I said on Youtube…and in Richmond…and it Singapore…and in like…other parts of the world and the internet..that I never wanna see Vinnie D Play another game for the Vancouver Canucks this season.

He’s like 6’8 or 7’1…and a professional…

And I’m 31 learning more and more about Metabolism and how saving 10 dollars a month… over a 4 decade span can help my grandchildren not worry about paying for online kindergarten class.

In other words…I feel like shit.

Remember, fan first…microphoner purchaser second.

Also…born an idiot.

Where am I going with this…

Obviously onto another episode…

WRITTEN ON: OCT 29TH 06:02 PM

HOGLANDER AND A 1ST…

We hate doing this…

And that’s speculating about Nils Hoglander’s relationship with the Canucks because he’s...

Still so promising…

Still so inconsistent in Tocchet’s eyes…

Still so young…

The 23 year old was “demoted” to the “forth” line after two bad periods of hockey which is leading us here…

Are the Canucks…gonna use him as the biggest piece for a trade involving a defencmen…

I know…Motherfucker…

I mean…hear are some players @mothernucker came up with that could be seen

in a canucks uniform for Hogz and a draft pick and more lol…

chabot (NOT GONNA HAPPEN)

Ferraro

Pettersson

Lindgren

Sanheim

I’ve said enough…

Damn….

I was sort-of almost became a gym teacher.

And then I dropped out cause I smoked too much.

Welcome to week 2 of Grades of the Week.

Forwards:

Nils Aman* = B

Arshdeep Bains* = B+

Teddy Blueger = A+

Brock Boeser* = A

Jake Debrusk* = C+

Conor Garland = A+

Danton Heinen = B+

Nils Hoglander = A-

J.T. Miller = B+

Elias Pettersson = B

Kiefer Sherwood* = A+

Daniel Sprong = B+

Pius Suter = A-

Defensemen:

Erik Brannstrom* = A+

Vincent Desharnais* = C+

Derek Forbert = N/A

Filip Hronek = B+

Quinn Hughes = A

Tyler Myers* = C+

Carson Soucy = C

Goalies:

Kevin Lankinen* = A+

Arturs Silovs* = N/A

WRITTEN ON: OCT 27TH 10:32 PM

Allegedly & Unessacary:

Written on: OCT 24TH 08:45 PM

Remember @kylebhawan here, not a writer, simply just a Vancouverite. Which leads me to at this moment only feeling bad. Blame Deepak Chopra, my girlfriends affirmations, homerism, and 40’s recent play but that tweet from my favorite show hurt my soul.

After being called a potential social media lover/hater by a forth or fifth microphoner, the noise now sounds just as iritating as that 4 month old on a unfortunate 97 hour flight to Fiji.

Whaaa…Whaaa…What the fuck are we doing?

Caaamaaan, using “allegedly” and “baby” in the same bit, on the biggest hockey podcast in Vancouver is…

Not nice…

IFFFF..Pettersson is actually going through it with his confidence & there’s no mp3…or mp4 file.

I just feel as if, at this day and age….

Where Pettersson realisitcally could of had 6 points in his last 3 games instead of just 2. Elias deserves better. Watch the film, if a bird shit on him prior to his flight to Florida, his stats would be more inflated than a regular sized balloon…

Okay..what I’m trying to say….things are actually looking more normal than they have in a very looooooooonnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg time.

Think about it…

When the fuck was the last time Pettersson had 8 straight periods of good hockey….

You probably have to go to like…sometime in the middle of February? March?

Iunno, someone do the math…

Multiple this by 3, divide it by how the fuck, carry it over to the 4, and than minus -1321213 and your left with….

Ya, he hasn’t been good for a while…

But again…

He’s been good in his last 8 periods.

And before this slump…that started maybe 45+ games ago lol…he was good for almost 400 straight games.

Hall of Famish…Fameish? That’s hard to do.

Anywho, Let’s say he is lacking smiles & enjoys social media…maybe…just maybe…we can watch the smoke…

Especially after 8 straight good periods of hockey…

And also if your smoke, which quickly ignites into a volcano in Vancouver, doesn’t include something you can bring to judge Judy with only confidence….

Save it for the group chat.

IT’S ON BRANNSTROM:

Written: OCT 22TH 11:46 PM

Or is it?

Aren’t the Canucks suppose to be very unlucky.

There’s no way Brannstrom can be the next Forsling?

Lol…

Remember this episode…

Anywho, it’s not really on brand for the Canucks to not target a defencemen, but still get him, and then waive him….

And then have him be the missing piece?

Jokes aside, Eric Brannstrom has been are 5th best blueliner since joining the club and in doing so, has never lost a game as a Vancouver Canuck.

This could be a very cool story to watch…

Or one that read well when only paired with a book about the 2025 flyers and 2025 blackhawks…

Source: Rochester Institute of Technology

GRADES OF THE WEEK #1:

Written on: OCT 20TH 6:45 PM

As stated below…

Growing up around back to school *season was a reminder of hockey coming back into this thing called my life.

My regular season* would suck without it.

I hated school more than I hate May of 2024.

Whatever though, wake up, it’s time to grade some players.

Forwards:

Nils Aman* = B+

- Nils has been hustling. Making good reads & is better than you think.

Arshdeep Bains = B-

Teddy Blueger = A-

Brock Boeser* = A-

- 5 Points in 5 Games + is a great leader + our best defensive winger.

Jake Debrusk* = B

- 4 Points in 5 Games BUT there is something missing. Expecting more.

Conor Garland = A+

Danton Heinen = C+

Nils Hoglander = A-

J.T. Miller* = B+

-If he didn’t talk so much I mean turn over the puck so much early on, We’d be buying JT McDonalds for lunch. Guys a beaut. But stop the TO’s.

Elias Pettersson = C+

Kiefer Sherwood* = A-

- I remember him saying in da Pre Season something like…”we hate the oilers”. This shows commitment to the mission of being a Canuck. Kiefer wasn’t with us last April but he thinks he was. That’s loyalty. I think he leads the NHL in hits to….good job and keep it up. Keep being a piece of shit. It looks good on you.

Daniel Sprong = C+

Pius Suter = B+

Aatu Raty = C+

Defensemen:

Erik Brannstrom* = A-

- The season changed when he entered the line up. Coincidence? Nope.

Vincent Desharnais* = B-

- Would of liked him to bully Travis Konecny after he went after Captain Hughes. But ya, his last 4 periods have been better.

Derek Forbert = B-

Filip Hronek = B

Quinn Hughes = A

Tyler Myers* = B+

- Ironically, growing on me. Feel good story. Team guy and an absolute warrior. Can improve…a lot…but is needed.

Carson Soucy = C

Goalies:

Kevin Lankinen* = A++

- Better than Stuart Skinner…every team in hockey should of tried getting this dude….teams will regret letting the Canucks recover from the Demko thing with grace….reads books….solid dude and solid tendy.

Arturs Silovs* = B-

- Failed against Calgary and delivered a great performance in Tampa. Keep it up…don’t be fooled by the optics. Just take it one game and a time and be good teammate to Lankinen. This combination could be beautiful if you lock in. Again, great job in Tampa. You were excellent.

LANK IS DANK T

Someone on the live chat on a previous episode said…

“Lank is Dank”

Who ever that person is, contact me in the discord and let’s talk business.

WINNING FIXES EVERYTHING:

It’s raining again on a Friday and I’m feeling what many call,

Emotionless.

Or more stoic than ever.

Winning again does fix everything afterall.

Your Vancouver Canucks did the always possible and defeated the Florida Panthers who were without their 2 best players and Stanley Cup Champions Tkachuk & Barkov, or as others like to call, Barkov and Tkachuk.

The game also featured injuries to VAN’s Thatcher Demko and Dakota Joshua so who gives a shit, we won the game and the boys played hard.

On that note, this morning, a wet one, featured affirmations, positivity and

so much delusion. It felt as if I was in a cialis commercial without the cialis and any other distractions.

Your team won.

And I was back.

Back to being rational:

Those same Canucks have picked up points in 3 of their first 4 games.

They’ve got really good goaltending in 75 percent of their outings. Demko is missed but not mourned.

Hughes is playing like he wants to win his first Norris…Conn Smythe. *not to be confused with the Connor Smythe.

& Pettersson hasn’t even returned from Planet ????????

All in all, cheers to hockey being back.

And my Sanity.

WRITTEN ON: OCT 18TH 2:15 PM

THE ALIEN IN THE ROOM [REVISED]:

Everyday I am an asshole for talking about professional athletes from a chair I cant even afford.

Somedays, I feel like that same asshole.

Anywho, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with Elias Pettersson.

And you know what…

GO Petey Go.

Whatever it is, that is holding him back from being one of “Gretzky’s 99 favourite players”, I hope he snaps the fuck out of it. It’s only right.

My parents didn’t raise me for 27 years just to send me off into the wild, doubting those around me who are also trying to put on for our Neighborhood.

And it’s clear, recently, Pettersson is trying…

…desperately right now to get out of this rut.

And ya, with this part of the process you get… unusual results. Things don’t add up. They’re not right. Holy shit, this dude could suck but…

Damn…

This dude’s a Canucks.

And chose to be one for eight more years.

Not three. Not Four. Not Five.

Eight.

Say what you want about Pettersson in recent history but, he didn’t have to do that.

A player like him, with that resume, has and in this case..had… all the leverage.

And he ultimately said, “I wanna try winning in Vancouver for like 4000000 more days.”

Not 20000….

You get what I’m saying?

He chose us.

And right now, I’m choosing to say…

“Elias Fucking Pettersson is returning very soon. Look at what he’s done in the last 2 games. Not much…sure. But he’s also blocked a ton of shots, been Selke like in his own zone. Dude’s getting in on the 4check and digging deep along the boards. He’s finishing checks and….

smiling LARGE because Miller just ended the Canucks Mini 3 game losing streak….”

Recency Bias is telling me…

Petey’s coming home from his trip to that planet called the uphill battle and I’m pretty sure the league will notice on November 9th 2024.

THE ALIEN IN THE ROOM [DRAFT]:

VERSION: OCT 16TH 10:15 AM

“WTF IS WRONG WITH ELIAS PETTERSSON” - My mom

“WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ELIAS PETTERSSON” - My cousin who i never talk to at Thanksgiving

“WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS GOING WITH PETEY MAN” - @kylebhawan

I think I could be wrong, but in his last 30 regular season games, the dude has 3 goals and 17 points. Those same three goals were scored on against the Buffalo Sabres and a team that doesn’t exhist, the Arizona Coyotes.

And let’s not even talk his playoff stats. A statline more invisible than the line that was in front of that same cousin I never talk to for reasons you now know of.

Where am I going with this?

I want to party.

I mean, I don’t wanna be bored watch Elias Pettersson shifts anymore.

Where is the player who controls the pace of the game. The magician who was yenno, compared to Pavel Datsyuk. The dude who I believe, and still do, is the best center when at his best, on the Vancouver Canucks.

Without him, your Canucks are so mid.

With him, they are so damn good.

Now, normally, I don’t overreact with my words on “print”, but concerning times are here and ahead if confidence is the issue. A trait that is bred from momentum that is stirred up by the one who is need of it(the good kind). There’s nothing anyone on the ice can do, this season, outside of Petey himself, to get himself out of this stupid ass rut.

This is so-so-so bad.

Jake Debrusk won’t save the day.

Sprong is Sprong.

Nils Hoglander is….

Not the answer.

Petey needs to look within and not on his phone.

He needs to not take it personal when the coaching staff demands more from him via practice, or post game media scrums.

Speaking of which, Petey, talk to the media…I mean the fans. Communicate with them that you’ll figure this out instead of hiding from the lights. Be a beakon of understanding and hope to the people who want* to support you.

*They don’t want to harpoon on the star. It’s not in us. It’s just what it is.

Having the most prized human specimin on the team, be unavailable time after time after games, in a critical season, seems odd.

Also seems like a move a leader wouldn’t pull.

I get it though right, you ain’t feeling yourself, and this could somewhat be a dark time for you….

But fake it till you make it…AKA remember that you are that mother fucker and microphones and cold streaks can’t get to you it.

It’s just a game.

Have fun. It’s all good…at applewood

THE TAZMANIAN GARLAND WINS BIG

VERSION: OCT 15TH 11:15 AM

On the latest episode of Locked On Canucks, the first of two Canucks programs our studios work on, we chatted about the untapped potential of

Dylan Guenther….

I mean, Connor McDavid…

I mean, Conor Garland.

Yes, we think there’s a world in which the Boston native is ultimately the forth or sixth biggest reason why the Stanley Cup will return to Canada.

A tall task for the Vancouver Canuck who is best known as “the little spoon that stirs the drink”.

All in all, the 28 year old is also a key to one of the many doors that helped Utah fall in love with Hockey…

I mean…fall in love with Dylan Guenther.

The 9th overall pick from that OEL Draft once “belonged” to Hughes, Pettersson, Miller, Demko, Boeser and the fans of Vancouver, has 5 goals in 4 games after signing the biggest ice skating contract in Utah professional sports & and ultimately has petty people like me more insecure than ever.

How is it possible that Jim Benning’s worst move can create more problems as I age and age and age when I already came to terms with the 4 + million reasons that deal will probably and hopefully not, close the window for my favorite hockey team 183 seconds after it was cracked open.

Where am I going with this?

Conor Fucking Garland, go win the Conn Smythe or be one of the four runner ups.

Sounds both desperate and insane and stupid and unrelatable but…

The dude’s a play driver.

A real one.

And has been one for years. So there’s a damn chance this actually happens Todd.

And something tells me that this is the year, where he finds a new level of chemistry with either Miller and Joshua or Pettersson and uhhh…

Joshua.

And with it, the Canucks and their offence take off due in large part to the smallest dude in the NHL.

Not sure if that’s true but you get my point.

Size doesn’t matter afterall and I can finally sleep at night knowing that

I’m not alone and am now a champion.

WTF is Tocchet Science:

VERSION: OCT 9TH 9:18 AM

We’re about to find out.

This type of recency bias, the west coast kind, often feels like love at first sight but holy-moly, there has never been a more honeymoon like environment around this team in franchise history.

This marriage, it feels like one…

Trust me, it does…

Is about to feel more divine with the ups and downs

right around corner. The price u pay for the top spot.

Going to the second round of Game 7 is an accomplishment for many and a dissapointment for close to none*. Nonetheless, that outcome for our favorite hockey team still left us the respect we missed so dearly. A feeling aired out by Coach of the year and Vancouverite, Rick Tocchet.

The Ontario native and future HHOF’er has found a way to help* bring identity back to the blue and green and black,red and orange/yellow faster than the next Fast and Furious movie and it kind of gets me thinking…

Did we just get lucky?

Or as i stated earlier…

Are we finally about to find out how much of a hockey genius, Rick Tocchet has always been. The same dude, who’s been fired and fired some more for that “same” job he’s doing so well is also the same dude who played with two handfulls of the best players in the game.

Mario.

Ron Francis.

Jagr.

Recchi.

Gretzky.

Borque.

Tkachuk.

Rob Blake.

Kurri.

Roenick.

Lindos.

Leclair.

Bondra.

Gonchar.

Adam Oates.

Just to name a few..

Where were we going with this?

Oh ya, this dude, your head coach, is a nerd and obviosly so and played the game so much and so much of it the right way.

In other words, he was destined to be a culture establisher, a torche bearer, and hopefully soon, leader of a Stanley Cup Winning team.

Glad September is here:

Its cool, cause for a very long i’ve been missing escapism more than owners of escape rooms & part-time life coaches.

It’s even more cool to understand that finding the escape often starts

with having the fun.

Speaking of which, school was never that but was very much a reminder of what was to come…

The change to Autumn is just another clear sign that hockey is awesome.

This is truly the most wonderful time of the year not named the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

But wake me up when Septemeber ends:

F*ck the Oilers.

I mean fuck the Oilers.

It is what it is, my names @kylebhawan and i’m a fijian.

I mean, my names @kylebhawan…

and I’m a Canucks fan. A real one.

And no, that doesn’t mean your life has to be equipped with a thirst for all-albertan angus blood and hate for the others but fuck…

Fuck the Oilers.

After being outclassed at the end of a “wonderful” 7 game series, the 31 and a half year old in me felt 13 again.

Lost.

Stupid.

Hurt.

And Embarassed.

To this day, I still remember losing to the Anaheim Ducks 2 or 3 minutes after

Luongo returned to net after having to take a shit. Even then, losing to a much superior experienced team felt undeserving and more importantly…

Absolute bullshit.

Or in other words, life sucks.

Especially when you lose to the Oilers.

Fast fwd to the now, and in exactly one month the Oilers will be back in town

one night after eliminating us from the second round of the playoffs. Nov 9th 2024, or as Vancouverites like to call “GAME 8”, will be either so-regular…

Or…

The date where Rivalry within Regular Season hockey return for our viewing

experience.

Which now has me thinking of two new things:

1.Why didn’t Amazon pick this match up for one of their now* PPV NHL Events.

2.Fuck the Oilers.

And wake me up again when March ends…

I know…

One game at a time…

But I’m still wayback in May of 2024.

Playoff hockey hits different in Vancouver because no man in sport is more

high off the fatal drug..

Desperation.

And I was more fucking desperate than ever before.

Ten months prior, i realized my bathroom began being the resting spot for

lost hair. In the shower…On the toilet..In the sink…In my face and not on it

anymore was the evidence of the end of life.

One that was not near but only nearer.

Which had me thinking..holy sh*t, I may never see this team win a fucken

Stanley Cup & holy sh*t….is this our best chance to fucking do so?

Lindholm finally paying off coinciding with Zadorov playing mean, clean and soaring & scoring coast to coast goals like his name was actually Zadorrov was

uhhh……………………………………….what are those things called…

Oh..a miracle.

This is what stories, the great ones, are fucking made of.

You need that and a main charcter that rhymed with 3rd String Goalie + the eventual* return of the Alien and BOOOM……this is different…right?

But yenno, the truth happens and once again, for what…the 97th straight year, we were left losing the trophy that’s never been ours and missing out on a dream finally coming true.

And because of it, the photo of me with the cup, which will be taken eventually,

will have to be one with me sporting a hat or a hair transplant or…

I unno, maybe we win game 5 of that hockey game played in mid june of this year

and that same photo will feature what is left of what is top of mind…